Saturday, 17 April 2010

OZO’s Cunning Plan……


Senator OZO has cracked the problem of the missing £50 millions – and MORE!!
He now proposes to build our Island economy out of debt EXCLUSIVE!!!

Did anybody notice that the dead and buried Waterfront office development madness is back on his alive and pumping list? Strange how the news was allowed to slip out and that Harcourt would still like to be involved too!!!!

Are any court cases pending we might ask? You know the sort of thing - for broken promise? Wasted effort?
Just like jilted developers the world over - make a claim for a few millions - then kiss and make up - then reappear under a slightly different name such as Hardunby (Virgin Islands) Ltd - do a fantastic PPP deal to build the 600,000 sq ft of unwanted offices with a wonderful too good to be true guaranteed leaseback loan arrangement over 999 years ……..you catch the drift?

But what fool would want all that office space you are asking?

This is OZO’s masterstroke – WE DO!!!!!
Yes - the eternal mug punter aka the Jersey tax paying public is just gagging for it because what we want more than proper hospitals, schools, child protection and care of the elderly and adequate social security and pensions, decent transport system or a silly town park ……………..is a socking great state of the art all glass, no class centralised office block big enough to accommodate all States Departments under one huge roof!!!!!! Everybody’s problems ALL solved at a stroke!!!

No doubt it will have a heli-pad up there too for OZO and all his new multi-billionaire Chinese and Indian high net worth chums to fly in and out to and from important meetings trading huge dollops of lovely gravy too – just like the good old days before international capitalism collapsed and the banks went bust……..

And there’s more!! As our renewed Irish pals would say – Hardunby (Mauritius) Holdings Ltd T/A Dan Dare Developments (Dublin) Ltd will take all the old States Office blocks (500,000 sq ft) off our hands at no charge and redevelop them as wonderful iconic higher rise housing blocks and multi multi-storey car parks (designed by Car Buncle of Alcatraz Ltd) – with loads of gardens, allotments and childrens play-cages on top too.

OZO and his newly shuffled team of financial whizz kids have discovered that States Offices are actually costing nearly £200 per sq ft per annum whereas the private sector is only worth £75. So it’s an instant gain all round. The taxpayer will make a killing because we will be paying huge office rents to ourselves. The Housing and car parking problems will be solved. There will be no building in the countryside. The town park won’t be needed because of all the open roof spaces. Nobody will require public transport because all social housing will be within the St Helier ghetto zone and occupiers will be subject to a no car curfew and won’t need to travel. The Developers will make a fortune (not declared for Jersey tax purposes) and the Banks will have yet more bundles of useless property portfolios to broker around the world at absurdly inflated prices and which OZO can buy back as a sound income- generating investment on our behalf to replace 0/10 tax and the missing £50 millions…..

Now that takes a genius. How fortunate we are to have OZO in charge of our finances.
Submitted by Thomas Wellard.

1 comment:

Ian Evans said...

Scary Stuff!!!

They really just don't give a crap, do they?